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As a resident of a distant and impossibly remote outpost of civilization I can now certify that Oakland is coming of age. As you may or may not know, uptown Oakland is a thriving metropolis of blasted-out storefronts, road construction, and vomit. That tantalizing trio's kept the rents down lower than much of the San Francisco Bay Area -- just low enough, in fact, that your garden-variety millionaire can still afford a dwelling-place in this perky burg, provided s/he gives up a few essentials like food and clothing. (The good news is that weed is still cheap, and you can huff its friendly fragrance every day on the streets of uptown Oaksterdam, just before you walk into an open trench.)
In the meantime, though, we residents of "the 510" can ogle the tassel-twirlers and laugh till we choke on our cocktail onions every Monday at the Uptown. Hubba Hubba promotions manager Sparkly Devil is unapologetic re: the disturbing of my peaceful urban slumber over here where there is, thankfully, no there. Sparkly sneers: "Yeah, I really think Oakland is poised for a rebirth and we're thrilled to be a part of it! Uptown Hubba Hubba is a more scaled down version of our massive monthly spectacles at the DNA. It's a chance for us to bring our glittering brand of comedic mayhem over to the East Bay, and give everyone just a taste of what we're all about. We're thrilled to be Uptown's first and only weekly show." She continues: "And, the Uptown is a simply GORGEOUS venue, perfect for Hubba Hubba. It's like a 1940s bar restored to its original glory, which gorgeous gleaming hardwood floors and a giant oak bar, a second floor with cozy hideaways and a great view of the spacious, high stage. So come on out, enjoy a smoke and a whiskey with our cast on the outdoor patio, snap photos with our gorgeous burlesque girls during the intermission, and enjoy the show!"
Uptown Hubba Hubba began Monday, November 5, 2007, and, the Devil vows, "will run every Monday thereafter (until you run us out of town)." Doors for the weekly gig are at 9pm, and it's just five clams to get in. Featured performers at the Uptown Hubba Hubba in the coming months include Isabella Mynx, The Flying Fox, Ophelia Coer de Noir, Sparkly Devil, The Scenic Sisters, The Twilight Vixen Revue, RJ Owens, Kliff Jerk, and Pookie Patootie from NYC. So if, like me, you're enjoying an exile in Oaktown -- or just appreciate the well-timed mayhem of comedic burlesque enough to hop in the car and/or on the train -- then strap on your sock garters, cinch up your bolo, get your acey-deucey blocked and softshoe it down to the Uptown, where you'll leave smelling of Campari and perfume rather than Sour Diesel, which your girlfriend/boyfriend will surely appreciate.
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